"Every choice you make for something, is a choice against something. You have to choose what is what!"
All of us face millions of choices daily, being just a choice to wake up at 5 or which perfume to use or just to reply to a text or not. Every action of ours could have been different, so different that it might have changed the way you see the world. But how we choose what is best for us still remains a well-thought topic.
Mark Manson in his latest book focuses on this very topic in one of his chapters. He explains about the duality of our mind, about how we feel warm for something, think what will work for us and how it dictates our choices.
As the author states, our minds consist of not single but two co-existing parts, a feeling brain and a thinking brain. Both are terrible at their given jobs. Thinking brain cannot think properly and the feeling brain is still feeling sad about your own fuckups of the past. But in our daily lives, we usually prefer what we feel like. For example, we all know what is healthy for us, but we still go for fast food, why? Because that is what we feel is good for our senses. It could have been a lot simpler if we could have chosen the healthy one, we might not have become fat, could have been a summer-perfect body. Isn't it? Let me explain!
The Feel good part of our brain
The part that enables us to feel does not have the power to think, it just feels our emotions, savors the experiences from all of our senses and wants to taste each and every feeling that exists in the world. It is not that bad when you think about it, I mean everyone wants to be happy and experience joy, happiness, excitement. But things turn bad when we let this part of our control all of our actions. The moment we handle the control of ourselves to just our feelings, we became what I call "impulsive morons." All they seek is the fulfillment of their hungry feeling. Is someone is heartbroken, they will try to seek acceptance in the smallest parts of other people's lives. They will sit on a couch for hours because they don't feel like doing anything, they will consume a hell lot of chips and junk because they feel like.
They cannot analyze and invariably drive towards addiction, narcissism, and compulsion. People who drive by their feelings are easily manipulated by whatever person or group makes them feel good consistently - whether it is a religious leader, politician, self-help guru, or sinister internet forum. They will gladly steamroll other people with their actions because the thinking brain will accept the decision of ours.
The think ahead part of our brain
On the other hand, if we let all of our control to our thinking brain and denies what he feels, numbs himself to the world around him. By rejecting his emotions, he rejects making value judgments, which is deciding that one thing is better than another. As a result, the person becomes indifferent to life and struggles to engage with others. His relationship suffers, being unable to feel, he only thinks what is best for him, and does not think even a little bit for the other person. This eventually leads him to think about his choices, because if there's nothing valuable, not his possessions, the people around, then what is the meaning of his life?
What to choose?
The answer is simple but not easy, you have to make them talk to each other. You have to let the thinking brain talk to your feeling brain about his vulnerabilities, how he feels about things, what does it say about the tasks at hand. Communicate, it might take days, weeks, months, or even damn years, but in the end, only the person who can swiftly manage to make his two brains talk will be able to go further, one step at a time, one feeling at a time. He will feel about his choice, with heart, and will be able to maneuver in this sea of choices, gaining a true sense of self-control.
The concept of two brains existing can feel a little alien and superficial to many people, and yes, it is no science or anything like it, but it is proven multiple times that our brain can function entirely different depending on the circumstances and the conditioning of it, loosely translating to the twin brain hypothesis. Following the communication path can not only help you gain self-control but also provide you with your own self, your identity, and your unfair advantage.
More on this on the next part. Thanks for the full read and stay connected.